‘Fear is always triggered by creativity, because creativity asks you to enter into realms of uncertain outcome. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is, however, something to be dealt with.’
That’s it! We are counting the hours left until the start of the festival and the feeling is amazing! A few months ago everything began with modest strategy plan which had changed, and transformed, sampled in different shapes and forms to become film festival’s decoration contributing to the overall atmosphere of the event. Looking back at my participation from the beginning it become more and more personalised and personal, because I was involved with something related not only to my skills and competences but also close to my subjectivity and way of expression. With every project I am realising the impact which craftsmanship may have, designing those little details which are not seen as essential but can compliment the event in beautiful manner.
The plan for the last two weeks was more than clear: all of the ideas was put together, the materials arrived and everything was confirmed, so one word for it: ACTION!
Some of these I have already made last week and others were about the be created. However, one of the most important things I kept learning during the whole process is that perfectionism is my enemy and I was extremely time sensitive in order to finish everything on time. Consistently following the creative plan geometric cages and string art maps were created, as well as tissue paper rosettes. The most time consuming and full of effort was the design of the big origami bird which is going to drag more attention than any other of the decorations. The materials were exactly calculated and there were no space for mistakes.
During this last week of preparation I think I realise how big is actually the event for real and fear become a constant struggle. Fear of what my imagination had created and what I actually made; fear of how will everything look together and how it will fit the festival atmosphere; and mostly fear of how other people will perceive my creations. And this kind of fear is paralysing, it keeps one from continuing on working and it certainly drags one in the opposite-of-achievement direction.
Have you ever heard the saying that 2am is invented for loners, poets and creative souls – that is true as well as 3am, 4am, etc., etc. However, when one makes the best they are capable of the results are usually satisfying. And I am more than satisfied with everything I create, I am proud of my handmade work and for me personally it feels as big leap. The meaning is in the purpose.